Hey, my name is Ellie. I am blessed to be able to call myself Mandy’s friend, and believe that whole heartedly. That is just one of the miracles that has happened working with her. I can accept love. Believe that I have something to offer in a friendship. Something to offer in life.
I have struggled with drug addiction and eating disorders my whole life. I began recovery from both March 15th of 2014. In my over achiever, “get it done yesterday” kind of brain, I thought after 2 years of what seemed like serious self-work, and dedication to figuring out my problem, I would have been cured by now. Right?
Far from actually… I can honestly say I wanted to end my life at two years clean. I was so overwhelmed with my brain on a daily basis, finding no joy in anything, trying so hard to control every situation and outcome, it was killing me. My heart was so fragmented and confused, I did not know who I was… or why I was still here.
My friend suggested meeting up with her friend Mandy for coffee. Not for some psych evaluation, or intense course on “how to cure Ellie,” but simply to talk to her about what is going on in my life and building a relationship with her. Little did I know, Mandy knew me more than I knew myself at this point.
I feel like I should go in to detail with everything Mandy and I did, or little goals or assignments she encouraged me to do but I don’t think that is necessarily the point in writing this. I want to share with whomever is reading this how my life has changed since meeting my friend Mandy.
I began to see thoughts and core beliefs about me that were making my life completely out of control. I began to see I could look at those thoughts and core beliefs, look at the behaviors they were causing, and challenge my thoughts. I learned how to feel my feelings. I learned how to know that I am enough and I have a purpose. I learned that it is okay to not know who you are yet! I learned I could seek out things that give me joy and fulfillment in life. I learned that I can empower myself by listening to my spirit, not shutting my inner voice down anymore. I learned how to love that little girl inside me that never got what she deserved. Connection, security, love, appreciation, encouragement, and being okay just the way she was.
I will forever be grateful God placed Mandy in my life.