I live for that moment when someone truly sees themselves.
ASW was born from a deep regret and never wanting anyone to end up where I did.
finally finding a doctor that took the time to consider what I was saying. For years pain had been getting worse, and I was slowly giving up things that I loved. I could not dance a full song which was my breaking point to find out what was happening in my body. I knew it wasn’t good so I waited years before I reached out for a diagnosis.
calmly explained that my spine was messed up and that I had dysplasia in both hips. He stated that the hips would need to be replaced and highlighted different surgeries to do that. He also recommended that I fix the back first and see how much pain that eliminates. The doctors stated that waiting on a hip replacement until the pain was unbearable is a good idea. Hearing him talk about the surgeries was surreal. My mind tried to stay caught up with what he was saying while simultaneously processing how this would work in my life.
At the time I had a four-year-old daughter and a ten-year electrical career. Images of what I physically do in a day flashed through my mind and how I could take time for three surgeries and recovery time and the expenses. My emotions froze in terror.
Many conversations occurred afterward as my back surgery was scheduled and I skillfully tried as any mother, wife, and employee would to keep all my plates spinning. Setting up time off work, a safe place for my daughter to be during surgery and my living will. I felt scared.
The pain I felt
after my surgery was unlike any pain I had ever experienced. I took the doctors recommendations and did my best to heal. I had a busy life waiting for me. My schedule was changed dramatically as I was only allowed to stand for four hours. I don’t know if you can imagine taking all the things you do in a day and cutting ¾ of them for a prolonged period.
Here’s where the grief began.
Every time I went for a checkup, they said things looked great, the problem was that was getting worse. I was losing my complete ability to stand, sit, and walk. Any time I would try the pain was so bad that I would break out in sweat and want to vomit from the pain. This was without pain medication because I came off the medication as soon as I could.
This is where I began to lose myself.
I was losing my ability to move. I was losing my independence, my chance to be active with my daughter, my financial freedom and my identity.
Who am I if I can’t move?
It was a horrifying time in my life. I felt crazy when doctors said it was good and people doubted my motives. At one point someone said to me, “I guess some people just like to go to the doctor!” I spent my time alone crying in a fetal position. I saved every ounce of energy or strength I had for when my daughter came home. The stress was building, and I started having facial tick, stuttering and losing my ability to speak. My marriage was rocky, heck all my relationships were rocky because I lost my faith and the walls of self-protection went up.
I lost hope. I lost faith. I lost sight of myself.
During that time I laid and reflected. I had an immense amount of regret. I had missed my life. I had made many mistakes, and all I had left was my mind and time to look at all the mistakes of my life. This is where I never want to be again, and I hope no one else ends up here.
I had lived my life trying to please people that aren’t important. I had missed a chance to be present in my daughter’s life. I left for work before my daughter woke up and came home after dinner. I worked an amazing career that paid phenomenally well yet did not utilize my God-given strengths or passion. I never used my voice. I gave up my authentic self, day after day and failed to take care of myself. Always being busy I neglected myself, my values and my priorities. I neglected my health and well-being, and I missed it.
I had a corrective surgery a year after the first surgery and made up my mind that I was going to get better and I was going to do my life differently. I embraced tools to manage my mindset, get support, balance my emotions and thrive in-spite of pain.
ASW is another chance at a life well lived.
A life where I’m present in my daughter’s life. A life where I honor my passion for serving others. Where I utilize my strengths in a way that helps build community. I aligned my values, strengths, and passion in a way that helps others.
In my despair, I was so lost I had nothing to give.
As a coach, people can come as they are. They don’t need to worry about bringing anything to the table as we need to in our relationships. I am someone who believes in people until they can. I love guiding someone to find themselves and create forward momentum in their life.
I had this whisper inside of me
for a few years that said I needed to help others. I profusely refused to give up my safety and security and financial independence. I refused to listen to the still small voice inside me that said I was not on the path. I have a solid belief about being a woman and always being able to support myself financially that kept me where I was. Chronic pain took the option away for the time being and I was pushed on path.
meeting with my psychology professor and asking for his approval. I’d like to start a wellness coaching business and build it up to help me pay for school. For years I was taking one or two classes at a time while I was working as an electrician. I refuse to take out student loans, and when my body could not stay caught up with electrical after my surgeries, I had no idea how I would work or pay for school.
I began healing
my mind body and spirit, and when ASW became a business, the first thing I did was create a program for people experiencing chronic pain. I immediately turned around to offer a hand to those coming up behind me through that experience. As the years have gone by I realize my focus as a business is help people find themselves when they feel lost and move forward. Since then I have been able to create programs of change for increasing self-love and compassion, nurturing with nutrition, loving your body, building stronger relationships, and overcoming pain.
There’s a moment people have
when they see themselves. It shows in their eyes when they see their strengths, their dreams, their values, their beauty, and their hope.